Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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