FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
