Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
