Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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