FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
