O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
