I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
