Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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