Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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