I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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