So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
