after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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