people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
