Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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