overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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