i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
