Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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