so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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