4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish you could order shots online.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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