Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
