so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
