I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
