You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
