sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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