i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize