There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
