with your own penis?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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