Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize