Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
