I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
