I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
