this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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