Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
