Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
