were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
