Say something about gay babies.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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