Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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