Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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