I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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