erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
