You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
