is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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