How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
