you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
