Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
