Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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