How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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