My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
