respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
