I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
