It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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