when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
