just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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