I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She bit a glass in half.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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