I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
