Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
