girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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