she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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